Friday, July 15, 2011


My baby Keeper
crawled in to the bed with me this morning at 2 a.m.
proceeded to flop like a flounder for two hours
before he was
taken screaming back to his room where
his father slept beside him on the floor for a half hour before making it back to our bed...
By now of course....
I am wide awake.
The hamster in my brain has started to run his little treadmill,
So I just decided to get up...
work on my
Studio Space?
(which is really just the corner of a tiny bedroom)
Sit here contemplating
a sort of midlife crisis
like I have been for weeks now?
Much better way to exhaust myself I think!
Have you ever hit the point where you
feel you just have to stand up for
what you know is right?
Even if it may not have a "prudent" or "responsible" outcome
in others eyes?
Because it would just give you the pleasure of knowing you did something
to make yourself truly Happy for a change?
I've always been told if you don't try you will regret it
that experience ,
even if in failure is better than having never tried.
I feel like I need to get
ME and MY Family
in a good place mentally and somewhat physically.
Stop being a slave to people who really don't
care about you other than you make their life easier.
A house and storage space full of THINGS
that don't make us happy.
If I had the time I could dump
it all.

When I'm not working
I tend to lose weight - a lot-
does that tell me I'm an emotional eater or what?
Could I try that venture to make money from what really makes me happy?
Live off some savings and sales from the online business?
I can very easily do temporary work if need be...
Then I feel a pang of guilt because I
think of folks who have sooo much less 
and would love to have my "problems"
But should I discount my feelings and stay miserable and sleepless because of it?
Just keeping it real with everyone.
I'm my usual bounce back self
but I want to be the 
version of me that I know I can be....
Ever have one of these nights?

I'm sorry for the ramble but I  needed it.....


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