Friday, June 3, 2011

Blarghhhh....and other clever thoughts?

Ever feel like you're just
stuck ,
in a

Some days I just feel like one of those
wind up toys
that goes and goes and once it gets to
an obstacle
it just bumps into it until it runs out of momentum...
Life has been a bit complicated lately.
Just lots of things piling up inside of me at once
and last week I just threw it all up!
And it felt good.
I've shared before about Mr.Keepers being laid off
almost a year and a half ago.
I have tried to be so supportive because I know how it must feel
to be at the point in your life when you felt most secure
to have everything you've known yanked out from under you.
To have an amazing young child come into your life by surprise,
it has been quite a weight on my shoulders sometimes
to make sure I have worked enough to pay all the bills.
Should I feel guilty for spending money in our situation?
I struggle with that a lot,
but sometimes I feel like I, we, deserve to
after all that we've been through.
Yearning for the closeness of family and friends.....
Longing for someone, anyone,
 to ask if they can do something for ME
to help ME out
or US out...
sometimes for people to think beyond themselves...
and to do so unconditionally.

Dying to have my home back...
To not have all the STUFF that came with
closing a business, emptying out a work space, emptying out a storage space.
To have the time to get rid of it all while trying to make sure
that amazing little boy gets taken care of and entertained  while we
try and deal, cope with it all and try and have time for each other...

Having all these creative ideas...
for my home,
my artwork,
my writing,
and just feeling so worn down by the time the weekend comes
that all I can do sometimes is imagine them..
File them away in my brain
and hope they get done someday.

I hit walls like this in my artwork...
I can do some of my best work and feel
the creativity flowing out of me
and feel so elated at how the pieces are turning out...
and then wake up one day and I swear
it is like my hands just don't work right...
Nothing I draw turns out
or no matter how long I try
my paint turns to mud and I
feel like I'm just turning out the work of a first grader.

I know this all shall pass...
I just have to take a break and not feel guilty over it..
Cry, relax, and don't pick up the paintbrush or pencil
until I feel inspired again.
Do you ever feel like this?
What helps you get through?
I was inspired by a friend to keep it real
and that's why I wanted to let you know
I'm not always a shiny, colorful, cookie baking, collage making, junk market girl.
I have my moments too.

Thanks my lovelies for being HERE.

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